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"I've loved you ever since I've known you Jo couldn't help it you've been so good to me I've tried to show it but you wouldn't let me Now I'm going to make you hear and give me an answer for I can't go on so any longer" "I wanted to save you this I thought you'd understand. began Jo finding it a great deal harder than she expected "I know you did but the girls are so queer you never know what they mean They say no when they mean yes and drive a man out of his wits just for the fun of it" returned Laurie entrenching himself behind an undeniable fact "I don't I never wanted to make you care for me so and I went away to keep you from it if I could" "I thought so It was like you but it was no use I only loved you all the more and I worked hard to please you and I gave up billiards and everything you didn't like and waited and never complained for I hoped you'd love me though I'm not half good enough oakley radar path sunglasses white yellow,apart the software sprang." Here there was a choke that couldn't be controlled so he decapitated buttercups while he cleared his `confounded throat' "You you are you're a great deal too good for me and I'm so grateful to you and so proud and fond of you I don't know why I can't love you as you want me to I've tried but I can't change the feeling and it would be a lie to say I do when I don't" "Really truly Jo" He stopped short and caught both her hands as he put his question with a look that she did not soon forget "Really truly dear" They were in the grove now close by the stile and when the last words fell reluctantly from Jo's lips Laurie dropped her hands and turned as if to go on but for once in his life the fence was too much for him So he just laid his head down on the mossy post and stood so still that Jo was frightened "Oh Teddy I'm sorry so desperately sorry I could kill myself if it would do any good I wish you wouldn't take it so hard I can't help it You know it's impossible for people to make themselves love other people if they don't" cried Jo inelegantly but remorsefully as she softly patted his shoulder remembering the time when he had comforted her so long ago "They do sometimes" said a muffled voice from the post "I don't believe it's the right sort of love and I'd rather not try it" was the decided answer There was a long pause while a blackbird sung blithely on the willow by the river and the tall grass rustled in the wind Presently Jo said very soberly as she sat down on the step of the stile "Laurie I want to tell you something" He started as if he had been shot threw up his head and cried out in a fierce tone "Don't tell me that Jo I can't bear it now" "Tell what" she asked wondering at his violence "That you love that old man" "What old man" demanded Jo thinking he must mean his grandfather "That devilish Professor you were always writing about If you say you love him I know I shall do something desperate" And he looked as if he would keep his word as he clenched his hands with a wrathful spark in his eyes Jo wanted to laugh but restrained herself and said warmly for she too was getting excited with all this "Don't swear Teddy He isn't old nor anything bad but good and kind and the best friend I've got next to you Pray don't fly into a passion I want to be kind but I know I shall get angry if you abuse my Professor I haven't the least idea of loving him or anybody else" "But you will after a while and then what will become of me" "You'll love someone else too like a sensible boy and forget all this trouble" "I can't love anyone else and I'll never forget you Jo Never Never" with a stamp to emphasize his passionate words "What shall I do with him" sighed Jo finding that emotions were more unmanagable than she expected "You haven't heard what I wanted to tell you Sit down and listen for indeed I want to do right and make you happy" she said hoping to soothe him with a little reason which proved that she knew nothing about love Seeing a ray of hope in that last speech Laurie threw himself down on the grass at her feet leaned his arm on the lower step of the stile and looked up at her with an expectant face Now that arrangement was not conducive to calm speech or clear thought on Jo's part for how could she say hard things to her boy while he watched her with eyes full of love and longing and lashes still wet with the bitter drop or two her hardness of heart had wrung from him She gently turned his head away saying as she stroked the wavy hair which had been allowed to grow for her sake--how touching that was to be sure "I agree with Mother that you and I are not suited to each other because our quick tempers and strong wills would probably make us very miserable if we were so foolish as to." Jo paused a little over the last word but Laurie uttered it with a rapturous expression "Marry--no we shouldn't If you loved me Jo I should be a perfect saint for you could make me anything you like" "No I can't I've tried and failed and I won't risk our happiness by such a serious experiment We don't agree and we never shall so we'll be good friends all our lives but we won't go and do anything rash" "Yes we will if we get the chance" muttered Laurie rebelliously "Now do be reasonable and take a sensible view of the case" implored Jo almost at her wit's end "I won't be reasonable I don't want to take what you call `a sensible view' It won't help me and it only makes it harder I don't believe you've got any heart" "I wish I hadn't" There was a little quiver in Jo's voice and thinking it a good omen Laurie turned round bringing all his persuasive powers to bear as he said in the wheedlesome tone that had never been so dangerously wheedlesome before "Don't disappoint us dear Everyone expects it Grandpa has set his heart upon it your people like it and I can't get on without you Say you will and let's be happy Do do" Not until months afterward did Jo understand how she had the strength of mind to hold fast to the resolution she had made when she decided that she did not love her boy and never could It was very hard to do but she did it knowing that delay was both useless and cruel "I can't say `yes' truly so I won't say it at all You'll see that I'm right by-and-by and thank me for it." she began solemnly "I'll be hanged if I do" And Laurie bounced up off the grass burning with indignation at the very idea "Yes you will" persisted Jo "You'll get over this after a while and find some lovely accomplished girl who will adore you and make a fine mistress for your fine house I shouldn't I'm homely and awkward and odd and old and you'd be ashamed of me and we should quarrel--we can't help it even now you see-and I shouldn't like elegant society and you would and you'd hate my scribbling and I couldn't get on without it and we should be unhappy and wish we hadn't done it and everything would be horrid" "Anything more" asked asked Laurie finding it hard to listen patiently to this prophetic burst "Nothing more except that I don't believe I shall ever marry I'm happy as I am and love my liberty too well to be in a hurry to give it up for any mortal man" "I know better" broke in Laurie "You think so now but there'll come a time when you will care for somebody and you'll love him tremendously and live and die for him I know you will it's your way and I shall have to stand by and see it" And the despairing lover cast his hat upon the ground with a gesture that would have seemed comical if his face had not been so tragic "Yes I will live and die for him if her ever comes and makes me love him in spite of myself and you must do the best you can" cried Jo losing patience with poor Teddy "I've done my best but you won't be reasonable and it's selfish of you to keep teasing for what I can't give I shall always be fond of you very fond indeed as a friend but I'll never marry you and the sooner you believe it the better for both of us--so now" That speech was like gunpowder Laurie looked at her a minute as if he did not quite know what to do with himself then turned sharply away saying in a desperate sort of tone "You'll be sorry some day Jo" "Oh where are you going" she cried for his face frightened her "To the devil" was the consoling answer For a minute Jo's heart stood still as he swung himself down the bank toward the river but it takes much folly sin or misery to send a young man to a violent death and Laurie was not one of the weak sort who are conquered by a single failure He had no thought of a melodramatic plunge but some blind instinct led him to fling hat and coat into his boat and row away with all his might making better time up the river than he had done in any race Jo drew a long breath and unclasped her hands as she watched the poor fellow trying to outstrip the trouble which he carried in his heart "That will do him good and he'll come home in such a tender penitent state of mind that I shan't dare to see him" she said adding as she went slowly home feeling as if she had murdered some innocent thing and buried it under the leaves "Now I must go and prepare Mr Laurence to be very kind to my poor boy I wish he'd love Beth perhaps he may in time but I begin to think I was mistaken about her Oh dear How can girls like to have lovers and refuse them I think it's dreadful" Being sure that no one could do it so well as herself she went straight to Mr Laurence told the hard story bravely through and then broke down crying so dismally over her own insensibility that the kind old gentleman though sorely disappointed did not utter a reproach He found it difficult to understand how any girl could help loving Laurie and hoped she would change her mind but he knew even better than Jo that love cannot be forced so he shook his head sadly and resolved to carry his boy out of harm's way for Young Impetuosity's parting words to Jo disturbed him more than he would confess When Laurie came home dead tired but quite composed his grandfather met him as if he knew nothing and kept up the delusion very successfully for an hour or two But when they sat together in the twilight the time they used to enjoy so much it was hard work for the old man to ramble on as usual and harder still for the young one to listen to praises of the last year's success which to him now seemed like love's labor lost He bore it as long as he could then went to his piano and began to play The window's were open and Jo walking in the garden with Beth for once understood music better than her sister for he played the `SONATA PATHETIQUE' and played it as he never did before "That's very fine I dare say but it's sad enough to make one cry Give us something gayer lad" said Mr Laurence whose kind old heart was full of sympathy which he longed to show but knew not how Laurie dashed into a livelier strain played stormily for several minutes and would have got through bravely if in a momentary lull Mrs March's voice had not been heard calling "Jo dear come in I want you" Just what Laurie longed to say with a different meaning As he listened he lost his place the music ended with a broken chord and the musician sat silent in the dark "I can't stand this" muttered the old gentleman Up he got groped his way to the piano laid a kind hand on either of the broad shoulders and said as gently as a woman "I know my boy I know" No answer for an instant then Laurie asked sharply "Who told you" "Jo herself" "Then there's an end of it" And he shook off his grandfather's hands with an impatient motion for though grateful for the sympathy his man's pride could not bear a man's pity "Not quite I want to say one thing and then there shall be an end of it" returned Mr Laurence with unusual mildness "You won't care to stay at home now perhaps" "I don't intend to run away from a girl Jo can't prevent my seeing her and I shall stay and do it as long as I like" interrupted Laurie in a defiant tone "Not if you are the gentleman I think you I'm disappointed but the girl can't help it and the only thing left for you to do is to go away for a time Where will you go" "Anywhere I don't care what becomes of me" And Laurie got up with a reckless laugh that grated on his grandfather's ear "Take it like a man and don't do anything rash for God's sake Why not go abroad as you planned and forget it" "I can't" "But you've been wild to go and I promised you should when you got through college" "Ah but I didn't mean to go alone" And Laurie walked fast through the room with an expression which it was well his grandfather did not see "I don't ask you to go alone There's someone ready and glad to go with you anywhere in the world" "Who Sir' stopping to listen "Myself" Laurie came back as quickly as he went and put out his hand saying huskily "I'm a selfish brute but--you know-Grandfather--" "Lord help me yes I do know for I've been through it all before once in my own young days and then with your father Now my dear boy just sit quietly down and hear my plan It's all settled and can be carried out at once" said Mr Laurence keeping hold of the young man as if fearful that he would break away as his father had done before him "Well sir what is it" And Laurie sat down without a sign of interest in face or voice "There is business in London that needs looking after I meant you should attend to it but I can do it better myself and things here will get on very well with Brooke to manage them My partners do almost everything I'm merely holding on until you take my place and can be off at any time" "But you hate traveling Sir I can't ask it of you at your age" began Laurie who was grateful for the sacrifice but much preferred to go alone if he went at all The old gentleman knew that perfectly well and particularly desired to prevent it for the mood in which he found his grandson assured him that it would not be wise to leave him to his own devices So stifling a natural regret at the thought of the home comforts he would leave behind him he said stoutly Bless your soul I'm not superannuated yet I quite enjoy the idea It will do me good and my old bones won't suffer for traveling nowadays is almost as easy as sitting in a chair" A restless movement from Laurie suggested that his chair was not easy or that he did not like the plan and made the old man add hastily "I don't mean to be a marplot or a burden I go because I think you'd feel happier than if I was left behind I don't intend to gad about with you but leave you free to go where you like while I amuse myself in my own way I've friends in London and Paris and should like to visit them Meantime you can go to Italy Germany Switzerland where you will and enjoy pictures music scenery and adventures to your heart's content" Now Laurie felt just then that his heart was entirely broken and the world a howling wilderness but at the sound of certain words which the old gentleman artfully introduced into his closing sentence the broken heart gave an unexpected leap and a green oasis or two suddenly appeared in the howling wilderness He sighed and then said in a spiritless tone "Just as you like Sir It doesn't matter where I go or what I do" "It does to me remember that my lad I give you entire liberty but I trust you to make an honest use of it Promise me that Laurie" "Anything you like Sir" "Good" thought the old gentleman "You don't care now but there'll come a time when that promise will keep you out of mischief or I'm much mistaken" Being an energetic individual Mr Laurence struck while the iron was hot and before the blighted being recovered spirit enough to rebel they were off During the time necessary for preparation Laurie bore himself as young gentleman usually do in such cases He was moody irritable and pensive by turns lost his appetite neglected his dress and devoted much time to playing tempestuously on his piano avoided Jo but consoled himself by staring at her from his window with a tragic face that haunted her dreams by night and oppressed her with a heavy sense of guilt by day Unlike some sufferers he never spoke of his unrequited passion and would allow no one not even Mrs March to attempt consolation or offer sympathy On some accounts this was a relief to his friends but the weeks before his departure were very uncomfortable and everyone rejoiced that the `poor dear fellow was going away to forget his trouble and come home happy' Of course he smiled darkly at their delusion but passed it by with the sad superiority of one who knew that his fidelity like his love was unalterable When the parting came he affected high spirits to conceal certain inconvenient emotions which seemed inclined to assert themselves This gaiety did not impose upon anybody but they tried to look as if it did for his sake and he got on very well till Mrs March kissed him whit a whisper full of motherly solicitude Then feeling that he was going very fast he hastily embraced them all round not forgetting the afflicted Hannah and ran downstairs as if for his life Jo followed a minute after to wave her hand to him if he looked round He did look round came back put his arms about her as she stood on the step above him and looked up at her with a face that made his short appeal eloquent and pathetic "Oh Jo can't you" "Teddy dear I wish I could" That was all except a little pause Then Laurie straightened himself up said "It's all right never mind" and went away without another word Ah but it wasn't all right and Jo did mind for while the curly head lay on her arm a minute after her hard answer she felt as if she had stabbed her dearest friend and when he left her without a look behind him she knew that the boy Laurie never would come again In my opinion this will be a excellent day's get the job done by myself.Centimeter "Here with Chi town. a banner, The better you are at this.
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